Newsletter

Let Betty know what you find after reading and using these techniques.

Edition Three

I have continued researching the topic of motherhood, and in general what leads to successful outcomes. In particular I was pleased to come across Professor Erica Frydenberg, my lecturer at the University of Melbourne, and her book Beyond Coping: Meeting Goals, Visions and Challenges. I will paraphrase from a book review....

"What the research uncovered was that all these people had high emotional intelligence, an ability to understand their feelings, and the feelings of other people." Professor Frydenberg said. Interviewees were able to look back at any setbacks or losses in a positive manner without reducing themselves to self-blame. "The research showed that not all high achievers were successful at school, but what they did have in common was a supportive parent, teacher or coach with emotional savvy." The value of communal coping and having strategies to deal with obstacles were identified as important.

I think this is definitely in accord with what we are finding within the Being a Mother workshops, and it is refreshing to have academic research report similar findings from real world settings. 

Other research also continually supports the principles covered in the Being a Mother workshop, namely:

• the impact of role modelling is vital

• non-verbal behaviour needs to be consistent with verbal behaviour

• getting angrier does not mean you will be heard more. Instead, find a way to cool down first, and then think about your strategy.

• finding the right place and the right time is vital for effective communication

• positive reinforcement works.

Regards, Betty Chetcuti

Edition Two

With the festive season here again, let's make a special effort to enjoy ourselves. How? Revisit the points in Edition One of the Newsletter (see below) or in summary:

• What are you feeling?

• Point out the positives.

• Start small, but start.

In addition, I would add the following tips:

• Deep abdominal breathing

• Cinema B versus Cinema A

• Positive mind maps

• Ask yourself "How useful is this thinking/feeling/behaviour?" - think of Yerkes curve of performance effectiveness and stress.

• Set yourself a task of having two (additional) positive experiences per day

• Do a thought record - see the Online Resources section

• Clarify your 'A', and your 'C' - don't make them too complicated.

• Email me if you are finding yourself overly upset and unable to get to the bottom of it!

Betty

Edition One

Welcome to the first edition of the Being a Mother newsletter and also to the launch of the Being a Mother website!

This newsletter will communicate important and interesting news items, and will include any requests by you.

This edition provides some effective strategies to deal with being upset.

1. When you notice that you are feeling upset (frustrated, worried, overly sad) try and notice what you are feeling on an emotional level. For example, "I am feeling furious". 

• Resist justifying why you are feeling this way. Rather, a more helpful way, would be to focus on identifying further how you are reacting in terms of a rating scale. 'Ten' would indicate that you felt very strongly this way, and 'one' would indicate that you hardly felt this way at all. For example, "I am feeling 10 out of 10 furious".

• At this point, you may already have noticed you are calming down and not feeling quite so upset.

(The techniques in the Being a Mother workshop will teach you how to deal with intense emotional reactions.)

2. Notice the good times. They are numerous, but are often difficult to identify. At first, simply identifying positive events may seem futile. However, this is a skill to be cultivated as it is critical in shaping our perspective on life events.

(This concept is fundamental to the Being a Mother workshop. Often, participants report that entire areas of their lives change as a result of this strategy in combination with other techniques.)

3. Most times, we cope just fine, and at other times, the simplest of tasks seem too much and nothing gets done well, or at all. When you are feeling this way, start with something small and finite. This can help shift your thinking from "I don't know what to do first, I have too much on, I can't do it all, it's awful, when am I ever going to have time..." to "I can deal with this. It's not so bad after all. First I will do X, and then I will do Y".

(The techniques in the Being a Mother workshop will teach you how to manage stressful times like this.)

In summary:

• What are you feeling?

• Point out the positives.

• Start small, but start.

Phone: 03 9882 7958 . 0407 819 519

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Copyright 2004 Betty Chetcuti