Let
Betty
know
what you find after reading and using these techniques.
Edition Three
I have continued researching the topic of
motherhood, and in general what leads to successful outcomes. In
particular I was pleased to come across Professor Erica Frydenberg, my
lecturer at the University of Melbourne, and her book Beyond
Coping: Meeting Goals, Visions and Challenges. I will paraphrase
from a book review....
"What the research uncovered was that all
these people had high emotional intelligence, an ability to understand
their feelings, and the feelings of other people." Professor
Frydenberg said. Interviewees were able to look back at any setbacks
or losses in a positive manner without reducing themselves to
self-blame. "The research showed that not all high achievers were
successful at school, but what they did have in common was a
supportive parent, teacher or coach with emotional savvy." The
value of communal coping and having strategies to deal with obstacles
were identified as important.
I think this is definitely in accord with what we
are finding within the Being a Mother workshops, and it is refreshing
to have academic research report similar findings from real world
settings.
Other research also continually supports the
principles covered in the Being a Mother workshop, namely:
-
the impact of role modelling is vital
-
non-verbal behaviour needs to be consistent
with verbal behaviour
-
getting angrier does not mean you will be
heard more. Instead, find a way to cool down first, and then think
about your strategy.
-
finding the right place and the right time is
vital for effective communication
-
positive reinforcement works.
Regards, Betty Chetcuti
Edition Two
With the festive season here again, let's make a
special effort to enjoy ourselves. How? Revisit the points in
Edition
One of the Newsletter (see below) or in summary:
-
What
are you feeling?
-
Point
out the positives.
-
Start
small, but start.
In
addition, I would add the following tips:
-
Deep
abdominal breathing
-
Cinema B
versus Cinema A
-
Positive
mind maps
-
Ask
yourself "How useful is this
thinking/feeling/behaviour?" - think of Yerkes curve of
performance effectiveness and stress.
-
Set
yourself a task of having two (additional) positive experiences
per day
-
Do a
thought record - see the Online Resources section
-
Clarify
your 'A', and your 'C' - don't make them too complicated.
-
Email me
if you are finding yourself overly upset and unable to get to the
bottom of it!
Betty
Edition
One
Welcome to the first edition of the Being a Mother
newsletter and also to the launch of the Being a Mother website!
This newsletter will communicate important and interesting
news items, and will include any requests by you.
This edition provides some
effective strategies to deal with being upset.
-
When you notice that you are feeling upset
(frustrated, worried, overly sad) try and notice what you are
feeling on an emotional level. For example, "I am feeling
furious".
-
Resist justifying why you are feeling this
way. Rather, a more helpful way, would be to focus on identifying
further how you are reacting in terms of a rating scale. 'Ten' would
indicate that you felt very strongly this way, and 'one' would
indicate that you hardly felt this way at all. For example,
"I am feeling 10 out of 10 furious".
-
At this point, you may already
have noticed you are calming down and not feeling quite so upset.
(The techniques in the Being a
Mother workshop will teach you how to deal with intense emotional
reactions.)
-
Notice the good times. They
are numerous, but are often difficult to identify. At first,
simply identifying positive events may seem futile. However, this
is a skill to be cultivated as it is critical in shaping our
perspective on life events.
(This concept is fundamental to
the Being a Mother workshop. Often, participants report that
entire areas of their lives change as a result of this strategy in
combination with other techniques.)
-
Most times, we cope just fine,
and at other times, the simplest of tasks seem too much and
nothing gets done well, or at all. When you are feeling this way,
start with something small and finite. This can help shift your
thinking from "I don't know what to do first, I have too much
on, I can't do it all, it's awful, when am I ever going to have
time..." to "I can deal with this. It's not so bad after
all. First I will do X, and then I will do Y".
(The
techniques in the Being a Mother workshop will teach you how to manage
stressful times like this.)
In summary:
-
What
are you feeling?
-
Point
out the positives.
-
Start
small, but start.
Phone: 03
9882 7958 . 0407 819 519
Contact
Betty

Copyright
2004 Betty Chetcuti